When Justice Never Comes

Written and Published by Valerie Swope | March 1, 2023

It has been roughly 20 years since I took the first step to end six years of grooming and abuse, both mental and sexual, by Christian Watts, the Music and Youth Minister at Bethany Baptist Church in Louisville Kentucky. Starting when I was 13, he spent three years becoming an indispensable “godly” influence in my broken world all while testing the limits through increasingly inappropriate words and actions. By the time he started violating me sexually, he had all but ensured I would stay quiet, protecting his family, his position, and his “love” for me.

Days after I came forward, he resigned from his position at the church because he was “involved in an immoral relationship with a person of the opposite sex.” Make no mistake, at 13 years old, I was much more than a ‘person of the opposite sex,’ I was a child. And he was a man who groomed me for three years before having sex with me. Thanks to some very antiquated laws in Kentucky at the time, there was no criminal penalty for men having sex with girls 16 years old or older. There was also no procedure, policy, or reporting structure within the Southern Baptist Convention that prohibited him from ever serving in another church again.

It took years of therapy and self-reflection for me to fully accept and understand that I had done nothing wrong in those 6 years; that my youth pastor, Watts, knew what he was doing by grooming me and then waiting until I turned 16 before violating me sexually. With time, faith, and courage, I began to heal and create the adult life I wanted for myself.

However, in 2021, the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) asserted that, “any person who has committed sexual abuse is permanently disqualified from holding the office of pastor.” Watts was serving, then, as head pastor of a SBC affiliated church in Tennessee, and was in the same role in May 2022 when the SBC released the results of the task force abuse investigation commissioned in 2021. Three days after the release of the report his church LEFT the SBC. It was then that I decided I must tell my story publicly, regardless of whether legal justice was on my side.

I shared my story with a reporter from the Tennessean, Liam Adams, who agreed to investigate with a broader focus within the SBC context. What I didn’t expect was that, after my story was shared, I would learn the truth, through Watts’ response in the article and a subsequent blog post, of how he was portraying me as the aggressor; that it was my manipulation of him that resulted in his downfall. Even worse, he was able to convince his wife and a childhood church friend to join him in a public and factually inaccurate rant against me. While the statements have since been removed, they have been seen, read, and perhaps, wrongly influenced others in their denial of the power of grooming and abuse. Instead of admitting to clergy sexual abuse of a minor and seeking help from trained professionals, he labels his actions as ‘an affair’ or a ‘consensual relationship.’ Imagine, parents, that your 16-year-old is having sex with her grown, 28-year-old, married, youth pastor who she met when she was 13. An affair? I think not.

I refuse to allow lies to be louder than the truth…even 20 years later. I am sharing more of my story to help parents, teachers, clergymen, and the overall community understand more to identify child abuse and, ultimately, protect children everywhere. The story below is still painful to recount and more graphic than many may be prepared to receive. Still it is necessary to set the record straight, considering justice cannot, and continue to tell the truth stemming from this abuse.

We cannot diminish the darkness, because it would also diminish the Light.

The Tennessean article that exposed Christian Watts’ clergy sexual abuse of a minor (me) was published on September 11th, and Watts resigned on September 14th.

The Beginning

I met the Music Minister, Christian Watts, of Bethany Baptist Church, an SBC church in Louisville, KY, when I was just 13 years old (1996) and he was 25. He was a charismatic man and soon after he became the Music and Youth Minister. Even as I share this story my mind and emotions are dichotomized between remembering him as a man everyone respected and enjoyed versus the predatory monster I learned he was as I have sought healing and understanding for the past 20 years.

The Grooming

After going to the church for a short time I was easily labelled his favorite and even asked to help with Watts’ ministry duties. He was fond of having spiritual conversations with me, taking an interest in my life and being what appeared as a positive male role model. One night I was invited over to “babysit” and play with his toddler. Kelleye, his wife, came home from her waitressing job quite late and went straight to bed. Watts and I were watching ‘The Fugitive.’ Again, I was 13. He was 25. We were laying in opposite directions on the couch under a blanket when he slowly grabbed my hand in the middle of the movie. I can still feel my cheeks heat up and remember the flood of emotions, “Wow, he really cares for me! I must be special! This is wrong! Why is he doing this?” All the intense feelings of adolescence.

From then on, his words and actions toward me, I can see clearly now, were all parts of the many ways he groomed me for his pleasure.

There were endless hours of conversation and focused attention on me only, late night AOL messenger chats, emails, gifts, handwritten notes, vacations with his family, fishing trips, car rides home from church… I felt special for being his favorite. He was the god I believed in and I was brainwashed. In private he would profess his love for me and tell me how he never felt this way about anyone else. He shared family secrets with me. He attended my school events and softball games. He embedded himself as an integral part of my daily life. My family trusted him too — he was a minister.

He patiently tested boundaries with me for years, inch by inch, to check what he could get away with without me saying anything. This was balanced with his ability to ward off suspicion of church members. All part of the grooming process.

As these sacred boundaries were violated, handholding turned into heavy petting, groping my breasts, and kissing, whether in his truck, car, or even the file room behind his office. I was often chosen to ride in his truck on long youth trips to Look Up Lodge in South Carolina. Even in broad daylight on long road trips with the youth group, he would hold my hand under a sweatshirt or blanket in the cab of his truck. I was always asked to stay late on Wednesday nights, after youth group, and everyone would usually see him leave the church with 2 girls in his vehicle, for the sake of appearance. He always took me home last so we could be alone. Over the years I was even invited to meet his parents in Tullahoma and went on a trip over New Years Eve to Stuart, Florida where I met Kelleye’s parents. On EVERY single trip he would find time to be alone with me in some way and couldn’t keep his hands off me.

I had never had a boyfriend, so imagine my surprise when, on a mission trip in high school, alone in one of the extra dorm rooms at a Habitat for Humanity project, the first penis I saw was my youth pastor’s. I learned how to give a blow job in the parking lot of a church. I am haunted by the recollection of his hands between my legs inside me.

My virginity was stolen from me in 1999 (at the age of 16) by the same man who was teaching the ‘True Love Waits’ material to all the high school students. I was told I needed to participate in the program or else there would be red flags. It was impossible to process that the same man teaching abstinence to the youth group had shown me his stash of condoms in his bed side nightstand. I felt so dirty and guilty sometimes that I would throw away the underwear I was wearing on those days. I lost count of how many sexual encounters took place while I was in high school.

“Child grooming is a deliberate process by which offenders gradually initiate and maintain sexual relationships with victims in secrecy. Grooming allows offenders to slowly overcome natural boundaries long before sexual abuse occurs. On the surface, grooming a child can look like a close relationship between the offending adult, the targeted child and (potentially) the child’s caregivers.”

Definition of grooming from https://www.d2l.org/child-grooming-signs-behavior-awareness/

The Perfect Target

Grooming and sexual abuse can happen to ANYONE.

In his since-deleted statement Watts said, “Again, I made some extremely poor choices that led to placing myself in a situation I felt I could not get out of. Valerie was smart (valedictorian of her senior class), cunning, and extremely manipulative.”

First, “extremely poor choices” can never be a euphemism for predatory child abuse. Second, I was smart and I was valedictorian of my high school class. I was also an athlete, teacher’s pet, and a well-spoken adolescent -- no one would have dreamed I was a target or victim of abuse. In reality, I was the perfect victim -- from a “non-believing” family with no parental figures attending the same church, nerdy enough not to have many friends, from a blended family with my father living out of state, easy to isolate, emotionally stunted, and with low self-esteem.

The Silence

With great efficiency, sometimes through tears, he groomed me to keep this secret. I was prepared to keep the secret for my entire lifetime to save his family. The years of grooming and steady decline into the pit of despair, shame, and guilt made me believe so many lies:

The worst possible choice was telling the truth…I would be responsible for ruining Kingdom work. Because Jesus kept forgiving him, I should suck it up and bury the secret deeper in my soul. I didn’t believe in Jesus enough. Both his reputation AND mine would be ruined if I told. My future would be tainted. He would lose his job and lose his family…

He used me by making his family so important in my life that I didn’t feel I could live without them. He knew I loved his kids too much to want to ruin their family. So, with my partially developed adolescent brain, I was loyal, I kept keeping the secret.

Watts continued in his statement, “I literally hated the situation I had placed myself in, and in all honesty, I despised her.”

This was the most truthful thing in his whole statement. Yes, he did this — he CREATED and cultivated this situation. Yes — the fact he abused me clearly illustrates that he despised me. He not only despised me, he crushed my spirit, he silenced me, he took advantage of my spiritual and emotional vulnerability, and he raped my body and my soul.

Telling My Secret

In order to get away from 6 years of child abuse, I chose to attend Judson College in Illinois – even after being offered full paid scholarships within Kentucky. I needed space to breathe. Thankfully, during this time, I found strength again in my faith and trusted Jesus Christ as my Savior.

Watts, in his statement, claimed that “I knew the day I told her that I was no longer going to participate in the relationship that it would come out, and I’m glad it did! It was a relief!”

He does not get to pretend that he put an end to this abuse. He did NOT end anything. There is a steady stream of witnesses that can attest to the facts ---- I came forward, I told, I exposed the truth. He did not.

I emailed him in early October to inform him I would keep the secret but that I was now a new believer. On October 4th, 2002, he said “Do you mind if I contact you from time to time?” but in my desire to cut off communication with him, I said, “You will never know the pain and confusion I will carry in my heart forever. God has given me the strength I need to handle this situation, but I have to draw the line here. I can’t emotionally handle reading your emails or even hearing your voice right now. I never thought it would be like this but I was only fooling myself.”

Watts emailed me on October 6th, 2002, noting he was “hurt greatly through the past as well” and said, “I believe God wants me to finish school and continue serving Him at Bethany.”

On October 10th, 2002 (at the age of 19), I flew from Chicago to Louisville to tell Todd Robertson (who had been the head pastor for several of the years when the abuse actually took place). I had decided that part of walking in the Light meant that I needed to tell the truth of what happened to me. I knew I couldn’t bear the secret, the shame for my entire life — I couldn’t bear it for another minute. I told Todd Robertson because he was the person I knew to be the most trustworthy, godly, and safe. He was also no longer in a leadership position at Bethany Baptist Church.

I did not disclose all of the nitty gritty details and time frames of the abuse (as depicted above). In fact, I did not fully understand what happened to me. I only said that sexual activity had been taking place since I was 16 years old. That day no one contacted law enforcement. When confronted, Watts admitted to church leaders that he had sex with me starting when I was 16-years-old. The following Sunday he was “dismissed” from Bethany Baptist Church.

The Resignation

Watts was allowed to read a resignation letter to the congregation of Bethany on October 13th, 2002, in which he only admitted that he was “involved in an immoral relationship with a person of the opposite sex.” Within approximately 1 year, he was back in a ministry position.

The Police

It’s important to note more lies in Watts’ now unpublished statement. He said, “Furthermore, I am not in agreement with the ages and/or timeline that have been portrayed as truth to the public. If Miss Swope’s accusations were true, they would have resulted in legal ramifications.”

This is false. For the grooming from age 13 until my 16th birthday, the statute of limitations prevented certain charges from being filed. Just because something wasn’t technically illegal doesn’t make it moral or ethical. The law should be the floor, not the ceiling!

To use the words of Todd Robertson, “Kentucky at the time had an age of consent of 16 and had no provisions for position/power dynamics to clarify lack of consent. While this affected the legal aspect of these events it does not change the moral reality.”

It’s important to note that Christian confessed to the Louisville Metro Police Department detective that he had sexual intercourse and oral sex with me when I was 16 years old. He admitted to sexual activity with me at 16 years old to the Tullahoma Police Department as well.

Watts also claimed, “In July of 2019, I was cleared of any and all legal ramifications by the Louisville D.A.”

To be MORE truthful and precise, it was determined that there was no possibility for any criminal case due to the laws in Kentucky at the time of the incidents. The case was closed without formal charges being filed.

The Aftermath

Until mid-September 2022, Watts was the head pastor of Life Change Church, Tullahoma, TN. He has even been a substitute teacher in Tennessee. For the past 19 years, he has continued to place himself in positions of authority over teenage girls and I have great concern for past, current, and potential future victims.

The abuse left a trail of destruction in my life that I would not wish on anyone. It’s more than worth it for me to share so candidly if it means that one girl does not have to suffer the same fate. My emotions and reactions to the church, to God, to authority, to any form of abuse of power, have been forever changed. I pray there were no other girls that were traumatized in the same manner but I cannot be sure.

This was NOT an affair, these were NOT consensual sexual encounters, this was NOT an inappropriate relationship, this was clergy sexual abuse of a minor. He was my youth pastor. He found me, he CHOSE me, he deceived me when I trusted him to be a teacher and spiritual leader. He knew he would get away with it… and from a justice point of view, he did.

Never Again

When a minister or pastor takes advantage of someone under his care, he has forfeited the opportunity to hold a leadership position in any church again. The Church should not be a safe haven for predators of any kind. I am telling my story in the hope that it helps other abuse victims pursue justice.

My Voice

Abuse takes place in silence, soul crushing silence. For many years I, too, was silent but there have been a faithful few who have been clear voices of truth in this matter and on my behalf.

Thank you to these men and women:

Some chaperones from First Baptist Church Tullahoma on a youth trip in 2000 that saw something inappropriate on a bus between a youth pastor and a young girl. When they told their church leaders, although ignored, they were my voice (unbeknownst to me at the time).
Todd Robertson was my voice on October 10th, 2002, when I came forward.
In 2019, an LMPD detective who listened to me and opened an investigation; he was my voice when he interviewed Watts.
A Tullahoma police officer was my voice when he visited Watts.
Chad White was my voice in May 2022 when he wrote a letter confronting the Watts.
Clergy sexual abuse survivors have listened, encouraged, and wisely counseled me.
Liam Adams was my voice in each article he published about the abuse.
A sexual abuse survivor and advocate in the congregation at Life Change Church was my voice.
After the article, some of Life Change Church’s leadership took a stand for truth and resigned; they were my voice.
Strangers and friends spoke up for me on message boards and chats.
Pastor Ken Vickery of Bethany Baptist Church was my voice when he addressed the abuse on the church website.

It takes a WHOLE community to stop a predator.

“There is nothing covered that won't be uncovered, nothing hidden that won't be made known. Therefore, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in an ear in private rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops.” Luke 12:2-3

My social media response to the statements from my abuser and his supporters originally shared on his website on October 10th, 2022. It has since been taken down.